I have some simple advice to famous people (whether you be musicians, golfers, aspiring Vice Presidents of the United States, hypocritical beauty pageant contestants and yes I mean you, Carrie Prejean, young heiresses or aging misogynistic European politicians), DO NOT MAKE A SEX TAPE.

Not only could the afore-mentioned sex tape  possibly be used against you to defame your crystal-clear reputation, the tape will definitely be used to blackmail you, someone will probably put it on you-tube or someone will write a stupid, slanderous book about you that you will be helpless to defend due to their right to freedom of speech****

In short, sex tapes ruin careers of famous people- they are only beneficial to the non-famous people who make them. I know it is difficult to avoid the use of audio-visual equipment in the bedroom for some people and that with the new and advanced technology, you can’t always see what your partner is holding in his/her hand and/or private part, but trust me on this one, it pays to be vigilant. It will come back to bite you in the ass some day or another.

What about if you are not famous but you might become famous later on? Also not a good idea, unless of course, you are having sex with a famous person and you have control of the tape because this can definitely be a method to advance your career, provided of course the footage clearly shows all the important parts of the famous person in addition to the face or other identifying feature such as a mole. In this case, you need to release the video at the right time and ensure that you give me an advance copy, because hey, you owe me at least that much since I gave you the advice in the first place.

If on the other hand, you want to be a famous Christian minister or spokesperson of some sort, I would go even further and suggest that you be very, very careful about who you let pay for any breast augmentation surgeries (sorry, again Carrie Prejean), and consider the fact that you just might want to avoid sex altogether, just on the off-chance you get caught.


****European scumbag politicians such as Berlusconi excepted. And, of course, I am specifically referring to John Edwards and the book “The Politician” by his former assistant Andrew Young.