Sex and Waffles

It's a common scenario: You've just had your first intimate night with a new partner and it's now the morning after. What do you do now that last night's passion has given way to, well, every other aspect of life that isn't sex? There's certainly a playbook for what to do when you're not particularly interested in pursuing anything beyond one night on your back, but if you've got other things on your mind than a speedy escape the prospect of the morning after is significantly more complex. If you eat breakfast (and you should) you'll have to talk with your new partner, so setting a pleasant, relaxed mood is of the utmost importance. In my opinion, the best way to do this is with waffles.

There are a lot of layers to the proper execution of sex and waffles. Or, if you prefer a more apt analogy, a lot of nooks and crannies. First and foremost, do it right if you're going to do it at all. Skip the frozen waffles and employ that great invention The Waffle Iron. Of course, having a decent recipe for waffle batter would help. These should work.

So, why are waffles the optimal morning after food? Well, aside from the scientific fact that they're delicious, you can learn a lot about a person by the way they eat waffles. How much butter do they use and are they gentle enough not to pierce the waffle when they spread it? Are they over-indulgent with syrup, self-denying or somehow capable of using just the right amount? Do they plan ahead by cutting up the entire thing at the beginning or do they prefer an on-the-fly, piece by piece approach? You just don't get levels of nuance like that with eggs or granola.

The waffle is also an emotionally satisfying food. See, it's impractical and prohibitively difficult to make waffle batter for just one person. Unlike pancakes, which can last as a dry mix indefinitely and are easy to parcel out in small portions, waffle batter includes eggs, butter and milk, and is difficult to reduce to a single serving. As such, waffles are inherently social. They exist to be shared and not just with anyone. They simply require too much care to be everyday, tossed-off food.

Additionally, there's a philosophical element to sex and waffles. When you get that iron and practice that recipe, you're not only preparing yourself for an interesting morning after, you're choosing to be the kind of person who is prepared for that eventuality. Making sure you have the resources and knowledge necessary for a fun, relaxed morning after is the same as making sure to carry breath mints and condoms. It ensures a happy, responsible sex life.

Ultimately, the bridge between sex and affection has to be built with trust and comfort. As abstract as those terms are, people experience them as consequences of far more concrete slices of life. It's a held hand, a thoughtful gift, a kept promise. It's an honest answer to a tough question. It's waffles.