Let’s talk about sex

Or at least talk about it with your bedmate.

When was the last time you got lucky in between the sheets?  And when was the last time you talked about sex with your partner?  If you are like most people, the last time you discussed sex with your bedmate was probably not anywhere nearly as recent as the last time the two of you had sex with each other.

Sex is everywhere these days.  It is constantly portrayed in the movies and TV shows, it is suggested in print ads and you probably even talk about it with some of your closest friends.  Yet, even with sex going mainstream, many couples still shy away from having an open discussion with each other about sex. 

If you think about it, it is actually sort of funny.  People feel okay about sharing their intimate details with friends who they will probably never get down and dirty with.   Yet they feel awkward about discussing sex with someone who they are fine being naked in front of.  It is rather silly, isn’t it? 

As awkward as it might feel to talk about sex with your bedmate, it is something that you really should try to do.  Talking to friends or strangers won’t help improve your sex life much, but talking to your sex partner about it will. 

Let your bedmate know what drives you crazy, and what you can do without.  Then listen to what your lover has to say about the matter as well.  Not only will it bring the two of you closer as a couple, but it will also help to bring your sex life to a whole new level.

My future hypothetical children’s conception

Baby-making on a secluded, moonlit beach in a developing country.

Yes, I know. It is quite taboo to talk about conception on a sex blog. Most people see childbirth as a dire consequence of something awesome. Maybe I should be writing for a maternity magazine? No, I shouldn’t, this is all things sex. I write what I want! And with that being said, after a bizarre hook-up on a beautiful island, I do think I’ve found the manor in which I would like to conceive my children.

Picture this: You are on a secluded beach in a developing country. Night falls. You had a wonderful dinner, drank your favorite cocktail, which coincidentally is an aphrodisiac, and the generator is about to go off.  No power means pitch black, and there isn’t another soul on the beach. You and your love walk back in the water, and as you kick the rolling tide, you realize the ocean is filled with bioluminescence. You instantly strip off  your clothes and start swimming in the buff.

With so much plankton, it looks as if you and your love are swimming in the night sky. Each individual light looks like a star, and although you swim individually at first, taking in the scene, you see one another’s starlight swim in the same direction. Before you know it, the two opposing light sources become one, and as your lips lock, the baby-making has begun. There is nobody within 10K of you, so the beach, the bioluminescence, the night sky (which seems mundane toward the magic in the sea) is yours.

Though your child will hopefully never know the story, the fertility gods must give some sort of prize, in the form of an amazing child, for that type of baby-making. Now the hard part of finding a spouse and the answer to the question of whether or not I want children, though, is still at hand. 

Maybe Dubai isn't the place for public sex

UK couple arrested for sex in a cab.

This past week, Rebecca Blake of Great Britain and Conor McRedmond of Ireland were arrested for having drunken, pre-martial, relations in the back of a Dubai taxicab. The official verdict is three-months jail time, followed by deportation.

According to police reports and witness testimony from the cab driver, the couple had been drinking heavily all day. After getting in the cab, and the cab driver asking them not to drink anymore, Blake was seen strattling McRedmond while shirtless. The cab driver pulled over next to a police car, and according the arresting officer, Blake was not wearing underwear and McRedmond had his pants down to his knees.

The defense says that the couple was only kissing, and that sexual activity was impossible due to Blake’s menstrual cycle. DNA evidence also alludes to no sexual intercourse occurring at the time of arrest. This is not the first time an arrest like this has occurred. In 2008, Vince Acors and Michelle Palmer of the UK were arrested for public sex on a beach with the sentence being suspended on an appeal.

For those looking to holiday in Dubai (or have landed some high paying jobs), make sure to keep the business locked up like kids trying to hide it from their parents. Though alcohol, nightlife and promiscuity seem to be rampant, Dubai is still a Muslim city. If you do find yourself acquiescing to the heat of the moment, be prepared. Public loving may find you publically humiliated, and spending a few months behind bars. Happy humping, but be safe and smart!

You have to have seen the beach to find sand in your bag

The last night of a travel romance.

I had never seen her wear the sleeveless button-up blouse and jeggings. We had both, more or less, worn the same clothes for the last 10-days, but this evening marked the last night we would spend on the beach together.

In fact, it marked the last night, in all reality, we would probably ever spend together. She said she wasn’t dressing for the occasion, that it was the only thing that was clean, but I didn’t believe her. She also let her curly hair loose, the way I liked it. She never let her hair down.

We went out for a final meal, and after we ate, we walked hand in hand down the beach. Her English was better than my French, but sometimes she liked to force me to try and articulate my thoughts in her mother tongue. It didn’t sound pretty, but it made her happy. I loved to see her smile.

The walk ended at our guesthouse above a local's store, and we made our way through the dark hall to our room. The generator was off, no lights were on, and the locals were already sleeping. I threw her on the bed, opened the mosquito net over us, and kissed her with authority. She reciprocated the notion.

In that moment, I felt like Christmas had come early this year. I had learned a thing or two since my youth, though. This gift was too special to tear open with haste; I undid each button of the sleeveless blouse slowly, anxiously awaiting what lay underneath the wrapping. 

Playing California Kickball

Elementary school game used as sexual analogy

I remember first being introduced to my school’s version of kickball, which they referred to as “California Kickball,” in my first year of elementary school. The game itself was pretty much the same as regular kickball, but instead of only having four bases, there were six. The real kicker, though, was that to actually score, runners had to round the bases twice. Little did I know that this childhood game would become the basis for my sexual philosophy.

Let’s get real here, I think rounding the bases twice is a good idea. I’m not the most well versed person in the art of random hookups, but if your going to indulge in the horizontal hustle, why not round the bases twice? If once is good, twice has to be better right? This, at least, is what I thought before traveling.

The beauty of backpacking is that you are free. You can do, within reason, whatever you want, whenever you want. If you get tired of a place or people, you can just pack your bags and head in a new direction. With this being said, I think my typical rule of rounding the bases twice may not be the best idea while traveling.

Most travel hook ups, and travel friendships or relationships for that matter, are really specific to a moment. Trying to recreate this and meet back up with a travel lover can make you lose the magic that you initially found with one another. It may sound like a good idea at the time, but it is nearly impossible to try and recreate a past situation.

Take some advice from a former believer in the California Kickball philosophy. While traveling, enjoy the moment while it lasts, but don’t try and recreate it down the line. 

Fancy a root?

Crazy stories from Australian mine workers

I’ve learned a lot of interesting things through travel. In regards to the sexier side of life, I’ve learned a lot about sexuality of different cultures. Both through other travelers, as well as locals, one hears many things that differ from their own culture when their only responsibility during the day is to make sure they eat and get a little culture. One of the most interesting things I’ve learned, though, is about Australian Mine Workers.

Quickly becoming one of the highest paid jobs in mining, Western Australia boasts six-digit salaries to people with little mining experience. This, of course, mixed with the grueling schedule that also gives great time off, is basically an open invitation for young people with little commitment wanting to make money.

While traveling with a German friend who worked in one of these mines, I was told about how hard the work was. This, of course, was followed by how miners get six weeks off at a time, and since they spend most of their working time at the mine (not spending money), young guys, who have been deprived of fun, with a shit load of cash, led to complete hedonism.

Though the details were pretty graphic (apparently this is how two guys talk to one another), what I took away from the conversation is that miners in Australia like to drink and gamble on who can pull the best Barney Stinson-style play at the bar to pull women. Be it acting as if one has turrets, or lying about being a secret agent, the better the ploy, the bigger the pay out. Ladies (and gentlemen alike) watch out for these guys, because work hard, play hard is absolutely a way of life. 

Sex, passion and personal preference

Explore and define your sexuality

Sex is an interesting topic. What makes it interesting is that it is something somewhat taboo, and if you are doing it right, it’s something that is ever-evolving. Sexuality, the act itself, and the culture around it are quite malleable.

For me, I’ve been a person whose morals and ideas around sex seem to fluctuate. When I was younger, these were derived by religion, but as I’ve grown, it has become more of an idea that changes from experience to experience. 

In the past two weeks in particular, I’ve been a bit confused on what positive sexuality means to me. I’ve found myself traveling with an amazing girl, and though we enjoy each other’s company, I’m not entirely settled on how I feel about having a physical relationship. This isn’t to say that it hasn’t been good, nor is it to say I’m upset about it, it is just something I feel unsettled on. Each day I keep exploring our feelings.

When making love in a relationship, there is a passion that is often not found with flings or one-night stands. Though there should be passion in these areas as well, it just doesn’t feel the same when not with someone you love. I know for myself I’m a very passionate person, and without the passion, my sexuality feels a bit empty.

Traveling has opened my eyes a lot to nuisances of my own sexuality, and though it’s still in flux, it has reminded me of an important rule: individual sexuality is something that needs to be explored. Take the time to learn what is right for you. This, in turn, will help you make better decisions for yourself, and will affect your partners in a positive way as well. 

Don’t take the comfortable option

"Taste the rainbow" when traveling

When people backpack and travel (or go to college) they seem to use this as an excuse to become a new person. If they are tight-laced and uptight while at home, their traveling persona will be someone who goes with the flow, and uses phrases like, “chill out, brah.” Along those same lines, people who find themselves being more prude, and less open sexually, tend to dabble in a fair amount of the freaky deaky on the road.

Though sexual exploration, IMHO (yep, just learned this acronym, it means in my humble opinion) is a great thing, I implore those looking to take a ride on the bone roller coaster to really get out of their comfort zone. You are bound to meet people from your home, who look, act and think just like you do, but why settle for this? You are traveling , so experience a new culture!

I’m definitely not an advocate for sex tourism, but if you are consensually fornicating with someone, why not taste the rainbow (or at least some foreign cuisine)? Your home, and people from your home, will always be there, especially when you return as a new, sexually competent casanova. Save the nookie with countrymen (or women) for you return.

Sure, it is easy to read the signs, speak the lingo and hop into bed with someone from home, but don’t fall into that game. Put in the extra effort to learn the body language of someone new, and thank me when you are making beautiful whoopee to a chorus of words you don’t understand. 

Is waiting until marriage still a relevant option?

The notion of waiting or saving yourself still is alive.

It seems these days that it’s very rare to meet someone saving their virginity until marriage. Hell, it seems like it’s even hard to meet people saving their virginity until the meet someone special. The mentality is that all people “saving,” themselves are either insanely religious or else are weird and can’t get someone to touch their no nos without a fat paycheck. 

While discussing the topic of marrying young with some new friends, a girl at the table talked about a couple she knew who tied the knot at 23. They had being dating for ten years (yes, since they were 13), and both had saved themselves for their wedding night. The typical comments, such as how awkward it would be, etc, etc, came up, but the conversation actually gained quite a positive light.

The mixed-sex dinner party was a tiny bit divided on down gender lines, but having sex with someone special seemed to be a desired option. The table was full of people who had been with multiple partners, but besides one Belgian dude who was quite vocal about the what ifs of saving yourself (what happens when I want to know what it feels like to be with someone else?), everyone seemed to agree that if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. Why would you throw away something special, possibly the closest option to perfection, for a taste of forbidden fruit?

Though the idea of modesty and chastity aren’t abundant in society, the notion of waiting or saving yourself still is alive. It may not be as valued in past generations, but the ideas and practices may be making a comeback. 

Capture the flag: Take II

Sometimes you just have to kiss and tell.

The green, the white and the green: She was born in this country, and immigrated to Canada, then the U.S. We went to school together and worked together for over three years. Though we are still close friends, before she left for Spain, and me for world travels, we found ourselves finding intimacy on a camping trip out of state. We decided it was a one-time thing, but both are happy it happened.

The red with the white cross: We met while traveling in Asia. Though we had seen each other in a different town, a mountain paradise and shared bungalow was the last ingredient in a wonderful travel love affair. Her eyes were beautiful and my fingers were often lost in her curly hair.

Red and blue stars with quarters: She was an exchange student and aupair in my home city. We met at a bar where magic normally happens, and quickly adopted one another as that summer’s fling. We still stay in touch and talk about meeting again some day in the middle.

Saffron, white, green and a Chokra: Her parents immigrated to the states, and I met her in my home state. She stole my heart, and this particular collection of a flag turned into a long romance. We still stay in touch and flirt with the notion of our love having never ended.

The good ole stars and stripes: Insert almost every other sexual encounter I’ve ever had. Hopefully they mean more than just words on a blog and a notch on the belt.